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A Better Way

Center for Wellness

Doreen Van Leeuwen LMFT Relationship Specialist

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What is Imago Relationship Therapy?

by Doreen Van Leeuwen LMFT & Theo Smith MS

Much of my work with couples is based on Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT). Hence, it is helpful to understand some of the theory behind the therapy.

When we fall in love, it's supposed to be forever. We meet the person of our dreams and a magical transformation takes place within us. We feel alive, whole, safe, and happy. Over time that magical feeling disappears and conflict often increases. We feel disappointed and blame our partners because they are not meeting our emotional needs. We may criticize, withdraw, shame, explode, intimidate, shut down or submit as we try to deal with our hurt feelings and disappointment during times of conflict. Some couples stay in this painful power struggle for years feeling that they have grown apart. At least fifty percent end the relationship.

Imago therapy allows couples to transform their relationships. Couples learn that conflict is growth wanting to happen. The Couple's Dialogue process fosters safe, open, and honest communication. Getting to know their partners through the Couple's Dialogue, couples begin re-connecting and their relationships evolve into the powerful bond that is genuine love.

Through IRT, couples come to recognize that their relationship is a powerful and sacred space for healing and growth.  They acquire and strengthen those particular skills to honor that sacredness, which in turn leads them to the connected and passionate partnership they yearn for.

IRT helps couples to

  • understand the dynamics of their relationship
  • perfect their communication skills
  • respect each other's point of view
  • dissolve the power struggle
  • meet each other's needs
  • have romantic connection
  • improve their sexual relationship
  • deepen appreciation
  • expand their emotional, mental, spiritual and physical connection
  • create the relationship of their dreams through the healing process of dialogue

Imago Relationship Therapy was created by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., and his wife Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D.   

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